this is the date i would never forget the rest of my life....
i duno wat should i say n maybe everything is too late for me...
i know how nice ur're treated me...how good ur're giving me chances...
u do think i din really apprecaite it..bt i did...i miss the tme we had last time..
i miss everything....
i ask u for a chance to change myself once more bt u din...u ask me to giv u time n u telling me u still lke her... wow...wat a good decision that u have made... if u thinks she is happy n satisy with u..go ahead...i will bless the 2 of u =)
i will be the one smiling to u guys when i come to met u all...although there willl be the pain, bt i do will do it...Lim Qwer Qwin here is confused...i am expecting the worst better than the best..
i am nt giving chance to myself..maybe we nid time...i am nt going to be in another relationship once more...
it is really very suffer my dear people outside.. love is always selfish... i dun mind i din get him, bt i am really very tired..i still the miss the old time of him.. we planned everything but it is ruin... nvm, go with ur new gf n hav fun thr ^^
love doesn't mean that u mus own him.. i am nt the one he wants so i hav to let go my hand to let other people to love u... bt i will always be there to support u... mentally n physically..
my friends, be with me when i am suffering n tottally blank like now... i nid u all... i can't live alone..i wan and hope u all to bring me up and live with a goal with future and with meaning...
thanks u all.. final is striking jus in 2 weeks time...i will be alone...
why am i having this kind of ending?? y?? am i really tat bad?? it's jus because of my small small matters that makes everyone hates me?? i think so... i am still 20, n i wish to learn..giv me some time... i will giv my best to the one really loves me.....
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
am i useless??
Am i tat useless to u all ?? so?? people have bf bt they still can mix around with their friends so happily..bt me?? like an idiot... i feel so sad n depressed..wat hav i did???
Are u really care of me??u really tat busy until forget me? do u really willing to sms me?? i feel i am tat annoying...i jus can't stand the feeling that is hard to describe... go get someone u really love in ba....
-out-
Are u really care of me??u really tat busy until forget me? do u really willing to sms me?? i feel i am tat annoying...i jus can't stand the feeling that is hard to describe... go get someone u really love in ba....
-out-
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Today is July of 15..... it's gonna be half a year being with him..... muaks... will luv u luv u^^
Maybe i still nid time to change my perception...not to take things so serious..bt is tat good or bad?? not being serious in relationship?studies or anything?? i mean in some things ba... i should think more positive.... i can survive... be tough n independant please....
I hardly can meet him these few days..everyone is telling me final sem students must be busy...haha...yaya..hope so it is...after finish talking with one of my buddies...feeling better now...hehe
I was being so stupid this afternoon...bt it's sad i can tell...i am angry of myself, bt nt u..k?? it's time for me to grow up and to trust....it's important to trust a person ur're going to be with n thinking of having a future with,rite???
Anyway, take it easy ba....everything will be fine.. my parents are getting better with me.. maybe i get more freedom from them compare to last time...i am very happy daddy n mummy, i promised u all i will take good care of myself.. ok?? i will not make u all disappointed...
lov daddy n mummy always n forever... u all take good care of urselves too...
I miss my home and parents..they will always support me when i need help n support... they are always the best to me...
Maybe i still nid time to change my perception...not to take things so serious..bt is tat good or bad?? not being serious in relationship?studies or anything?? i mean in some things ba... i should think more positive.... i can survive... be tough n independant please....
I hardly can meet him these few days..everyone is telling me final sem students must be busy...haha...yaya..hope so it is...after finish talking with one of my buddies...feeling better now...hehe
I was being so stupid this afternoon...bt it's sad i can tell...i am angry of myself, bt nt u..k?? it's time for me to grow up and to trust....it's important to trust a person ur're going to be with n thinking of having a future with,rite???
Anyway, take it easy ba....everything will be fine.. my parents are getting better with me.. maybe i get more freedom from them compare to last time...i am very happy daddy n mummy, i promised u all i will take good care of myself.. ok?? i will not make u all disappointed...
lov daddy n mummy always n forever... u all take good care of urselves too...
I miss my home and parents..they will always support me when i need help n support... they are always the best to me...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
mid of july 2008
Time passes so fast, i choose to write this blog because i wish to flash back my memories later....
it is mid of july now, n we're about to be half a year... We were so happy and sweet all the time...
I still can remember this clearly in my mind....one day, when he was lying down talking to me... i forgotten wat topic are we chatting until he came to tell me this sentence: " I scare to lose QQ"
I was so so happy at tat time... it came out frm his mouth and he was not sleeping or not dreaming at tat time.. he was conscious...
But why NOW i am thinking is tat he wants to make me happy?? I am thinking whether is it true?? haiz..girls are always like tat.... thinks a lot a lot...I hav to learn not to think so much... i want to find more friends to occupy my time...make myself nt to think so much.. where are all QQ"s perception?? to have many friends as possible to make myself not to think so much n not to care so much... why am i still care?? but why should i keep listen to wat he said?? he didn't said that i can't make much friends...bt i jus don't feel like staying alone in the house thinking so much....
Can i go out with my friends and you're not unhappy??can i??jus for the sake to waste my time talking bout others and not staying alone in the house thinking so much to make me worry... I am worrying everything bout u n me..including my studies... I got 6 subjects to handle...can GOD help me??? pls....am i over concern???
Can i grow up??? i wanna release everything out..how???please.... really speechless..moody to talk so much... i tell myself..i shouldn't be worrying so much.. if ur're really mind u will be with me..if it isn't than accept the fact ba... thinking so negative now.. EMO-ing...haizzzzzzz
stop thinking so much n i hav thousands of assignments!!!! am i tat bad?? am i tat ugly?? he is good..bt i think i am better...
Stop being the son of bitch and stop being FLOWER HEART!!! %&^$@&^%$!*@$&Y!(*$U)@$..
jus stop n be someone tat is stable and reliable..ur're capable in studies and work, but not LOVE = RELATIONSHIP!!! hate itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.................
after finish talking to my mum on the phone... i realised i got so so many assignments to do!! time is not enough for me...bark up plssssssssssssssss
be a good student.. leave that stupid thing aside...conecntrate pls... future is in ur hand, and not his!! ok???u can survive without him but u can't without urself....
it is mid of july now, n we're about to be half a year... We were so happy and sweet all the time...
I still can remember this clearly in my mind....one day, when he was lying down talking to me... i forgotten wat topic are we chatting until he came to tell me this sentence: " I scare to lose QQ"
I was so so happy at tat time... it came out frm his mouth and he was not sleeping or not dreaming at tat time.. he was conscious...
But why NOW i am thinking is tat he wants to make me happy?? I am thinking whether is it true?? haiz..girls are always like tat.... thinks a lot a lot...I hav to learn not to think so much... i want to find more friends to occupy my time...make myself nt to think so much.. where are all QQ"s perception?? to have many friends as possible to make myself not to think so much n not to care so much... why am i still care?? but why should i keep listen to wat he said?? he didn't said that i can't make much friends...bt i jus don't feel like staying alone in the house thinking so much....
Can i go out with my friends and you're not unhappy??can i??jus for the sake to waste my time talking bout others and not staying alone in the house thinking so much to make me worry... I am worrying everything bout u n me..including my studies... I got 6 subjects to handle...can GOD help me??? pls....am i over concern???
Can i grow up??? i wanna release everything out..how???please.... really speechless..moody to talk so much... i tell myself..i shouldn't be worrying so much.. if ur're really mind u will be with me..if it isn't than accept the fact ba... thinking so negative now.. EMO-ing...haizzzzzzz
stop thinking so much n i hav thousands of assignments!!!! am i tat bad?? am i tat ugly?? he is good..bt i think i am better...
Stop being the son of bitch and stop being FLOWER HEART!!! %&^$@&^%$!*@$&Y!(*$U)@$..
jus stop n be someone tat is stable and reliable..ur're capable in studies and work, but not LOVE = RELATIONSHIP!!! hate itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.................
after finish talking to my mum on the phone... i realised i got so so many assignments to do!! time is not enough for me...bark up plssssssssssssssss
be a good student.. leave that stupid thing aside...conecntrate pls... future is in ur hand, and not his!! ok???u can survive without him but u can't without urself....
Saturday, June 7, 2008
my feelings towards this..
It is hard to express...it's sad? confused??? i am thinking a little much...but i hope to stop thinking too... i know wat should i do now is to relax n not to think so much...bt i duno y it automatically appears in my mind..no matter when n where...why?? why things keep happening on me???
GOD..help me...
HE was talking to his frien and i accidentally heard tat he is telling most of his friends he might be leaving to singapore to work.... indeed i think that is his final decision...
we were touching bout this issue 1 day while we're walking back..... maybe diff hav diff view..i can't stop u too.... i will support u to hav ur own future... money is more important to everyone nowadays....u wont be so stupid because of a girl n not going to hav a good future,rite??
Anyway, i can tell u that i don't wish u to leave me too far..it's hard for us to communicate..it's hard for us to meet...at tat time, we don't hav much time to get together anymore...i can stand by myself bt i feel lonely without u..it's hard to hav a long distance relationship although i know this would be 1 of our challenges..i am speechless...bt can u feel the pain n sadness in my heart??? It wouldn't be a matter for others or maybe for u..
Jus finish chatting with one of my friend..we touched about this thing... she told me about her story...after listening her story, i am thinking again...she waited for her bf for 3 yrs....n the end she get is nothing...they know they're impossible although they love each other so much... is tat their faith??are they 2 still waiting to meet again??to be as happy as last time??
The thing same thing comes to me...can i ask u some ques: are u going to marry me?are u going to be with me,take care of me n be loyal to me?will u ever think how to appreciate me when i'm nt beside u?am i the 1 u really wanna be with and u feel is the most suitable???
I hope to hav answers frm u to make my decision..whether should i wait or shouldn't i?? i am big enough to think a bit far...although other people will tell me tat i'm still small..wat for wanna care so much?u gt plenty of time.. But,it's really very tiring to hav a serious relationship...Many things you hav to be done,to tolerate....to be together is not tat easy... even a LONG DISTANCE relationship... I neva tried b4 bt i strongly disagree it...i can c hw suffer..trust is the most important thing...once u hav lost the trust, everything is lost...how much u love the person is useless....
I don't wan to sit alone in the room crying like a girl jus came out from hospital bahagia because of breaking up...why should i suffer and torture myself so much???does it worth?? wat if i stay tough n strong in everything bt at last we ended up nothing also???I can't imagine how would i looks like... i put in 感情 in this relationship..i hope for the best because i believe i and him can settle it in a different ways..i knew he is good enough to settle with it...bt how come GOD jus can't giv me much more time to be beside him physically for more than only jus this few months??
I am nt strong enough to handle every things in part of my life...i wish i could get one to be with me...i need u..i dun wish to leave u...pls....y am i taking this small thing so serious???but i jus can't stop thinkin....i am learning to be strong..learning to live without u beside..
But i should tell myself i am TOUGH....u can do it..nothing cannot be defeated!!
GOD..help me...
HE was talking to his frien and i accidentally heard tat he is telling most of his friends he might be leaving to singapore to work.... indeed i think that is his final decision...
we were touching bout this issue 1 day while we're walking back..... maybe diff hav diff view..i can't stop u too.... i will support u to hav ur own future... money is more important to everyone nowadays....u wont be so stupid because of a girl n not going to hav a good future,rite??
Anyway, i can tell u that i don't wish u to leave me too far..it's hard for us to communicate..it's hard for us to meet...at tat time, we don't hav much time to get together anymore...i can stand by myself bt i feel lonely without u..it's hard to hav a long distance relationship although i know this would be 1 of our challenges..i am speechless...bt can u feel the pain n sadness in my heart??? It wouldn't be a matter for others or maybe for u..
Jus finish chatting with one of my friend..we touched about this thing... she told me about her story...after listening her story, i am thinking again...she waited for her bf for 3 yrs....n the end she get is nothing...they know they're impossible although they love each other so much... is tat their faith??are they 2 still waiting to meet again??to be as happy as last time??
The thing same thing comes to me...can i ask u some ques: are u going to marry me?are u going to be with me,take care of me n be loyal to me?will u ever think how to appreciate me when i'm nt beside u?am i the 1 u really wanna be with and u feel is the most suitable???
I hope to hav answers frm u to make my decision..whether should i wait or shouldn't i?? i am big enough to think a bit far...although other people will tell me tat i'm still small..wat for wanna care so much?u gt plenty of time.. But,it's really very tiring to hav a serious relationship...Many things you hav to be done,to tolerate....to be together is not tat easy... even a LONG DISTANCE relationship... I neva tried b4 bt i strongly disagree it...i can c hw suffer..trust is the most important thing...once u hav lost the trust, everything is lost...how much u love the person is useless....
I don't wan to sit alone in the room crying like a girl jus came out from hospital bahagia because of breaking up...why should i suffer and torture myself so much???does it worth?? wat if i stay tough n strong in everything bt at last we ended up nothing also???I can't imagine how would i looks like... i put in 感情 in this relationship..i hope for the best because i believe i and him can settle it in a different ways..i knew he is good enough to settle with it...bt how come GOD jus can't giv me much more time to be beside him physically for more than only jus this few months??
I am nt strong enough to handle every things in part of my life...i wish i could get one to be with me...i need u..i dun wish to leave u...pls....y am i taking this small thing so serious???but i jus can't stop thinkin....i am learning to be strong..learning to live without u beside..
But i should tell myself i am TOUGH....u can do it..nothing cannot be defeated!!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
17th of April
It is 11.10a.m.. i had jus finished my stupid statistic exam.... it was so embarrassing this morning...
I was answering the ques, suddenly, i started to scribble on the paper... i wrote : I hate u.. i want u to get lost from my mind...i am tired..it's enough for me..please... i continue writing my story on the question paper..words are vomiting out...i can't stop writing until my lecturer came ovr n asked me wat am i writing?
I was so confused..i started to breath sophisticatedly, i am tired..i wanted to cry but tears wont help me...tears cant do anything... the only way to released myself... i dun wanna to be a baby anymore... wat for keep crying?? be a big girl and settle things and to make myself lives happier...
i started thinking back....ur face, ur smile....everything flashes trough my memories ONCE again...i duno wat this called?? do i still love him??if i love him, i wouldn't treated him like tat..i would have treated him like how i treat hoe now.... if it would be reverse, how good was it..we can be forever for sure... but i believe god is fair.. i believe if we still have the faith, we will be together at last....
I must start to learn to think positively, i wanna learn to control myself...but sometimes i fail.. i throw my temper on him...i showed faces on him...i treated him so bad..i am useless...i am over excited on him..i duno y...i noe he is nt those flower heart type,bt i jus cant believe in him...is it anything happened ???johor ppl are always untrusted.. everything was passed...i noe how u feel, n i promised i wont do that anymore..i keep this to myself...but you won't noe...u can enjoy ur life to the fullest since we broke up..noone will be controlling u.... i have no more rights to control u as i always do...
I jus only realised i have become so usual sticked to u, accompanying u, doing everything with u...bt now i cant do tat anymore..and i noe u wouldn't be giving me a chance anymore...i hate u...that is y i am asking u to get off my mind... enough of him and coming back to the reality...
If ur're reading these, i am so SORRY for wat hav i did last time..i knew i brought u so many troubles...nothing i can do now...hope u enjoy ur life now goin out yumcha in the middle of the night,smoking as much as u can,going whr as far as u can...noone is going to control u anymore...
ur're FREE... i am so sorry for controlling u those days..i can't get any idea y am i doing that to u?? maybe it's because i am afraid that i might lose u...actually it is not a good scene...so many things hav come to an end jus like tat..it is a waste,right??
I choose to let u go it's because i hope we can improve ourselves... i n u made many mistakes....from this relationship,i n u learned a lot i bet... everything will be in my memories..
I am quite satisfied with the one i am having now..i din complained him much as because i love him??i duno whether am i right..i can accept his past as everyone knows about his past..i started knowing his existence since 15 yrs old...i get to know him frm taekwondo classes....he would be my admirer at tat time, i wish to be more closer to him at that time..bt i dun think thr is the chance until i came to this school now....i hav to appreciate wat i hav and wat i really wants...
Time passes so fast...it's 17 of april...i admitted i hav not appreciated the lov u gave me...ur temper tat always makes me feel grateful n guilty..if thr is a chance to tell the girls ur're chasing now, i would tell them to treat u better..u r a good boy, a one who is loyal... he loves his gf so much, although he doesn't know how to express it out..bt he mean it in his heart...
I admit i am still missing you..i miss the days how you tolerated me...i knew it...human always doesn't know how to appreciate when they comes to lost it..on the other hand,i hav to learn to grow up..i am no more 19...i hav to be matured enough to handle all my things....bt in the process, it seems hard and difficult..jus giv me some time...
Finally i know love is not that simple and easy as wat last time me n u always think that...change 1 by 1 so easily...especially you..i really can't understand...u can get in lov with one vry fast, bt how come u cant try to be in a stable relationship....noone in this world is perfect...
I never forget the time when we broke up...it hurts....i duno y i still forgive u..everyone must be saying tat i still loves u..bt at tat time,i knew we are impossible...things cant be predicted...i n u coupled up 1 day after so long...i was shocked..i told myself tat i hav to appreciate the time with u now...i do n i will...
I was answering the ques, suddenly, i started to scribble on the paper... i wrote : I hate u.. i want u to get lost from my mind...i am tired..it's enough for me..please... i continue writing my story on the question paper..words are vomiting out...i can't stop writing until my lecturer came ovr n asked me wat am i writing?
I was so confused..i started to breath sophisticatedly, i am tired..i wanted to cry but tears wont help me...tears cant do anything... the only way to released myself... i dun wanna to be a baby anymore... wat for keep crying?? be a big girl and settle things and to make myself lives happier...
i started thinking back....ur face, ur smile....everything flashes trough my memories ONCE again...i duno wat this called?? do i still love him??if i love him, i wouldn't treated him like tat..i would have treated him like how i treat hoe now.... if it would be reverse, how good was it..we can be forever for sure... but i believe god is fair.. i believe if we still have the faith, we will be together at last....
I must start to learn to think positively, i wanna learn to control myself...but sometimes i fail.. i throw my temper on him...i showed faces on him...i treated him so bad..i am useless...i am over excited on him..i duno y...i noe he is nt those flower heart type,bt i jus cant believe in him...is it anything happened ???johor ppl are always untrusted.. everything was passed...i noe how u feel, n i promised i wont do that anymore..i keep this to myself...but you won't noe...u can enjoy ur life to the fullest since we broke up..noone will be controlling u.... i have no more rights to control u as i always do...
I jus only realised i have become so usual sticked to u, accompanying u, doing everything with u...bt now i cant do tat anymore..and i noe u wouldn't be giving me a chance anymore...i hate u...that is y i am asking u to get off my mind... enough of him and coming back to the reality...
If ur're reading these, i am so SORRY for wat hav i did last time..i knew i brought u so many troubles...nothing i can do now...hope u enjoy ur life now goin out yumcha in the middle of the night,smoking as much as u can,going whr as far as u can...noone is going to control u anymore...
ur're FREE... i am so sorry for controlling u those days..i can't get any idea y am i doing that to u?? maybe it's because i am afraid that i might lose u...actually it is not a good scene...so many things hav come to an end jus like tat..it is a waste,right??
I choose to let u go it's because i hope we can improve ourselves... i n u made many mistakes....from this relationship,i n u learned a lot i bet... everything will be in my memories..
I am quite satisfied with the one i am having now..i din complained him much as because i love him??i duno whether am i right..i can accept his past as everyone knows about his past..i started knowing his existence since 15 yrs old...i get to know him frm taekwondo classes....he would be my admirer at tat time, i wish to be more closer to him at that time..bt i dun think thr is the chance until i came to this school now....i hav to appreciate wat i hav and wat i really wants...
Time passes so fast...it's 17 of april...i admitted i hav not appreciated the lov u gave me...ur temper tat always makes me feel grateful n guilty..if thr is a chance to tell the girls ur're chasing now, i would tell them to treat u better..u r a good boy, a one who is loyal... he loves his gf so much, although he doesn't know how to express it out..bt he mean it in his heart...
I admit i am still missing you..i miss the days how you tolerated me...i knew it...human always doesn't know how to appreciate when they comes to lost it..on the other hand,i hav to learn to grow up..i am no more 19...i hav to be matured enough to handle all my things....bt in the process, it seems hard and difficult..jus giv me some time...
Finally i know love is not that simple and easy as wat last time me n u always think that...change 1 by 1 so easily...especially you..i really can't understand...u can get in lov with one vry fast, bt how come u cant try to be in a stable relationship....noone in this world is perfect...
I never forget the time when we broke up...it hurts....i duno y i still forgive u..everyone must be saying tat i still loves u..bt at tat time,i knew we are impossible...things cant be predicted...i n u coupled up 1 day after so long...i was shocked..i told myself tat i hav to appreciate the time with u now...i do n i will...
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