17th of April

It is 11.10a.m.. i had jus finished my stupid statistic exam.... it was so embarrassing this morning...
I was answering the ques, suddenly, i started to scribble on the paper... i wrote : I hate u.. i want u to get lost from my mind...i am tired..it's enough for me..please... i continue writing my story on the question paper..words are vomiting out...i can't stop writing until my lecturer came ovr n asked me wat am i writing?

I was so confused..i started to breath sophisticatedly, i am tired..i wanted to cry but tears wont help me...tears cant do anything... the only way to released myself... i dun wanna to be a baby anymore... wat for keep crying?? be a big girl and settle things and to make myself lives happier...

i started thinking back....ur face, ur smile....everything flashes trough my memories ONCE again...i duno wat this called?? do i still love him??if i love him, i wouldn't treated him like tat..i would have treated him like how i treat hoe now.... if it would be reverse, how good was it..we can be forever for sure... but i believe god is fair.. i believe if we still have the faith, we will be together at last....

I must start to learn to think positively, i wanna learn to control myself...but sometimes i fail.. i throw my temper on him...i showed faces on him...i treated him so bad..i am useless...i am over excited on him..i duno y...i noe he is nt those flower heart type,bt i jus cant believe in him...is it anything happened ???johor ppl are always untrusted.. everything was passed...i noe how u feel, n i promised i wont do that anymore..i keep this to myself...but you won't noe...u can enjoy ur life to the fullest since we broke up..noone will be controlling u.... i have no more rights to control u as i always do...

I jus only realised i have become so usual sticked to u, accompanying u, doing everything with u...bt now i cant do tat anymore..and i noe u wouldn't be giving me a chance anymore...i hate u...that is y i am asking u to get off my mind... enough of him and coming back to the reality...

If ur're reading these, i am so SORRY for wat hav i did last time..i knew i brought u so many troubles...nothing i can do now...hope u enjoy ur life now goin out yumcha in the middle of the night,smoking as much as u can,going whr as far as u can...noone is going to control u anymore...
ur're FREE... i am so sorry for controlling u those days..i can't get any idea y am i doing that to u?? maybe it's because i am afraid that i might lose u...actually it is not a good scene...so many things hav come to an end jus like tat..it is a waste,right??

I choose to let u go it's because i hope we can improve ourselves... i n u made many mistakes....from this relationship,i n u learned a lot i bet... everything will be in my memories..

I am quite satisfied with the one i am having now..i din complained him much as because i love him??i duno whether am i right..i can accept his past as everyone knows about his past..i started knowing his existence since 15 yrs old...i get to know him frm taekwondo classes....he would be my admirer at tat time, i wish to be more closer to him at that time..bt i dun think thr is the chance until i came to this school now....i hav to appreciate wat i hav and wat i really wants...

Time passes so fast...it's 17 of april...i admitted i hav not appreciated the lov u gave me...ur temper tat always makes me feel grateful n guilty..if thr is a chance to tell the girls ur're chasing now, i would tell them to treat u better..u r a good boy, a one who is loyal... he loves his gf so much, although he doesn't know how to express it out..bt he mean it in his heart...

I admit i am still missing you..i miss the days how you tolerated me...i knew it...human always doesn't know how to appreciate when they comes to lost it..on the other hand,i hav to learn to grow up..i am no more 19...i hav to be matured enough to handle all my things....bt in the process, it seems hard and difficult..jus giv me some time...

Finally i know love is not that simple and easy as wat last time me n u always think that...change 1 by 1 so easily...especially you..i really can't understand...u can get in lov with one vry fast, bt how come u cant try to be in a stable relationship....noone in this world is perfect...

I never forget the time when we broke up...it hurts....i duno y i still forgive u..everyone must be saying tat i still loves u..bt at tat time,i knew we are impossible...things cant be predicted...i n u coupled up 1 day after so long...i was shocked..i told myself tat i hav to appreciate the time with u now...i do n i will...