am i released?

i think i am..i think i made a right n wise decision... i shall neva look back to the past... i am moving on very nicely n happily with my friends...i nid to... i will learn.. i am big enough.. i think i will feel happy to let it go better than holding him...bt 1 thing i jus cant understand is that y a person can change so easily? Is love so powerful? yes, it is... it really put someone deep into the heart...
i wish u guys can acc me to ovrcome this prob... u r totally not worth...u deserved to hav one day... n of cause my frien, don't get upset too.. she is nothing good for u to wait n lov for..although i noe u lov her so much bt as wat am i facing now... jus stay tough n walk through this dark road... wat we nid is jus time.. believe time will tell us wat we want n wat we are... LEARN...
i will bless u all for a good starting till a good ending... she is better n she treated u better....
i am one who loves not to trust, not to believe, like to angry.. i am nt a polite girl....i deserved it =)
today i was talking to my ex.. n suddenly i asked him a question, " last time when i was with u, did i giv freedom to u? did i believe in you?" he answered me, "yes, n a lot, bt i din appreciate it" see people, i did trusted my bf so much last time n at last i get nothing..n at last i am the one being hurt... although now it's unfair n wrong to treat my bf like tat..bt i am really scare...i am really worry i would jus lost u all... i lov u alll...i swear, i did...
don't blame everything on me saying that i din trust u... bt at last wat i heard was u guys did contact long time ago... hoho... wat a great job... i felt i am cheated.. how to believe in guys later??how, can u teach me? bt everything is over... it was jus a dream.. a nice one as i can say...
hope n pray to god i will find 1 bf than can treat me better and stop arguing for unnecessary things later... i want to be myself, enjoy my single life to the max... i know i will live happier without u.. i can do it.. i wan to show u that i am tough enough....
i will be sending u guys a smile when u 2 walking infront of me holding hands one day...ok?
mr**,i promised u i will be tough n i will be stronger...tears are nt going to roll because of him.. thanks so much for ur support n ur accompany... i appreciate it so much n i wanna thank u so much..n of course to my friends too... thanks n i feel sorry for disturbing u guys so much...
final is coming soon, study hard..work hard n strive the best...
EVERYTHING IS OVER... OVER N OVER.... SLEEP WELL N IT WILL BE BETTER TOMORROW... NO MORE LOOKING BACK, GIRL!!

30 Jul 2008

this is the date i would never forget the rest of my life....
i duno wat should i say n maybe everything is too late for me...
i know how nice ur're treated me...how good ur're giving me chances...
u do think i din really apprecaite it..bt i did...i miss the tme we had last time..
i miss everything....
i ask u for a chance to change myself once more bt u din...u ask me to giv u time n u telling me u still lke her... wow...wat a good decision that u have made... if u thinks she is happy n satisy with u..go ahead...i will bless the 2 of u =)
i will be the one smiling to u guys when i come to met u all...although there willl be the pain, bt i do will do it...Lim Qwer Qwin here is confused...i am expecting the worst better than the best..
i am nt giving chance to myself..maybe we nid time...i am nt going to be in another relationship once more...
it is really very suffer my dear people outside.. love is always selfish... i dun mind i din get him, bt i am really very tired..i still the miss the old time of him.. we planned everything but it is ruin... nvm, go with ur new gf n hav fun thr ^^
love doesn't mean that u mus own him.. i am nt the one he wants so i hav to let go my hand to let other people to love u... bt i will always be there to support u... mentally n physically..
my friends, be with me when i am suffering n tottally blank like now... i nid u all... i can't live alone..i wan and hope u all to bring me up and live with a goal with future and with meaning...
thanks u all.. final is striking jus in 2 weeks time...i will be alone...
why am i having this kind of ending?? y?? am i really tat bad?? it's jus because of my small small matters that makes everyone hates me?? i think so... i am still 20, n i wish to learn..giv me some time... i will giv my best to the one really loves me.....

am i useless??

Am i tat useless to u all ?? so?? people have bf bt they still can mix around with their friends so happily..bt me?? like an idiot... i feel so sad n depressed..wat hav i did???

Are u really care of me??u really tat busy until forget me? do u really willing to sms me?? i feel i am tat annoying...i jus can't stand the feeling that is hard to describe... go get someone u really love in ba....

-out-

Today is July of 15..... it's gonna be half a year being with him..... muaks... will luv u luv u^^

Maybe i still nid time to change my perception...not to take things so serious..bt is tat good or bad?? not being serious in relationship?studies or anything?? i mean in some things ba... i should think more positive.... i can survive... be tough n independant please....

I hardly can meet him these few days..everyone is telling me final sem students must be busy...haha...yaya..hope so it is...after finish talking with one of my buddies...feeling better now...hehe

I was being so stupid this afternoon...bt it's sad i can tell...i am angry of myself, bt nt u..k?? it's time for me to grow up and to trust....it's important to trust a person ur're going to be with n thinking of having a future with,rite???

Anyway, take it easy ba....everything will be fine.. my parents are getting better with me.. maybe i get more freedom from them compare to last time...i am very happy daddy n mummy, i promised u all i will take good care of myself.. ok?? i will not make u all disappointed...
lov daddy n mummy always n forever... u all take good care of urselves too...

I miss my home and parents..they will always support me when i need help n support... they are always the best to me...

mid of july 2008

Time passes so fast, i choose to write this blog because i wish to flash back my memories later....
it is mid of july now, n we're about to be half a year... We were so happy and sweet all the time...
I still can remember this clearly in my mind....one day, when he was lying down talking to me... i forgotten wat topic are we chatting until he came to tell me this sentence: " I scare to lose QQ"
I was so so happy at tat time... it came out frm his mouth and he was not sleeping or not dreaming at tat time.. he was conscious...

But why NOW i am thinking is tat he wants to make me happy?? I am thinking whether is it true?? haiz..girls are always like tat.... thinks a lot a lot...I hav to learn not to think so much... i want to find more friends to occupy my time...make myself nt to think so much.. where are all QQ"s perception?? to have many friends as possible to make myself not to think so much n not to care so much... why am i still care?? but why should i keep listen to wat he said?? he didn't said that i can't make much friends...bt i jus don't feel like staying alone in the house thinking so much....

Can i go out with my friends and you're not unhappy??can i??jus for the sake to waste my time talking bout others and not staying alone in the house thinking so much to make me worry... I am worrying everything bout u n me..including my studies... I got 6 subjects to handle...can GOD help me??? pls....am i over concern???

Can i grow up??? i wanna release everything out..how???please.... really speechless..moody to talk so much... i tell myself..i shouldn't be worrying so much.. if ur're really mind u will be with me..if it isn't than accept the fact ba... thinking so negative now.. EMO-ing...haizzzzzzz
stop thinking so much n i hav thousands of assignments!!!! am i tat bad?? am i tat ugly?? he is good..bt i think i am better...

Stop being the son of bitch and stop being FLOWER HEART!!! %&^$@&^%$!*@$&Y!(*$U)@$..
jus stop n be someone tat is stable and reliable..ur're capable in studies and work, but not LOVE = RELATIONSHIP!!! hate itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.................
after finish talking to my mum on the phone... i realised i got so so many assignments to do!! time is not enough for me...bark up plssssssssssssssss
be a good student.. leave that stupid thing aside...conecntrate pls... future is in ur hand, and not his!! ok???u can survive without him but u can't without urself....

my feelings towards this..

It is hard to express...it's sad? confused??? i am thinking a little much...but i hope to stop thinking too... i know wat should i do now is to relax n not to think so much...bt i duno y it automatically appears in my mind..no matter when n where...why?? why things keep happening on me???
GOD..help me...

HE was talking to his frien and i accidentally heard tat he is telling most of his friends he might be leaving to singapore to work.... indeed i think that is his final decision...
we were touching bout this issue 1 day while we're walking back..... maybe diff hav diff view..i can't stop u too.... i will support u to hav ur own future... money is more important to everyone nowadays....u wont be so stupid because of a girl n not going to hav a good future,rite??

Anyway, i can tell u that i don't wish u to leave me too far..it's hard for us to communicate..it's hard for us to meet...at tat time, we don't hav much time to get together anymore...i can stand by myself bt i feel lonely without u..it's hard to hav a long distance relationship although i know this would be 1 of our challenges..i am speechless...bt can u feel the pain n sadness in my heart??? It wouldn't be a matter for others or maybe for u..

Jus finish chatting with one of my friend..we touched about this thing... she told me about her story...after listening her story, i am thinking again...she waited for her bf for 3 yrs....n the end she get is nothing...they know they're impossible although they love each other so much... is tat their faith??are they 2 still waiting to meet again??to be as happy as last time??

The thing same thing comes to me...can i ask u some ques: are u going to marry me?are u going to be with me,take care of me n be loyal to me?will u ever think how to appreciate me when i'm nt beside u?am i the 1 u really wanna be with and u feel is the most suitable???

I hope to hav answers frm u to make my decision..whether should i wait or shouldn't i?? i am big enough to think a bit far...although other people will tell me tat i'm still small..wat for wanna care so much?u gt plenty of time.. But,it's really very tiring to hav a serious relationship...Many things you hav to be done,to tolerate....to be together is not tat easy... even a LONG DISTANCE relationship... I neva tried b4 bt i strongly disagree it...i can c hw suffer..trust is the most important thing...once u hav lost the trust, everything is lost...how much u love the person is useless....

I don't wan to sit alone in the room crying like a girl jus came out from hospital bahagia because of breaking up...why should i suffer and torture myself so much???does it worth?? wat if i stay tough n strong in everything bt at last we ended up nothing also???I can't imagine how would i looks like... i put in 感情 in this relationship..i hope for the best because i believe i and him can settle it in a different ways..i knew he is good enough to settle with it...bt how come GOD jus can't giv me much more time to be beside him physically for more than only jus this few months??

I am nt strong enough to handle every things in part of my life...i wish i could get one to be with me...i need u..i dun wish to leave u...pls....y am i taking this small thing so serious???but i jus can't stop thinkin....i am learning to be strong..learning to live without u beside..

But i should tell myself i am TOUGH....u can do it..nothing cannot be defeated!!